His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
