I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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