Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
