omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i love accidental penises.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
