I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
