come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
