WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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