i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
