I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You are the jesus of drinking
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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