Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
