I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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