she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
