Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
