Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
