just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
