what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
