think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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