How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
