Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
