So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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