What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
