I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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