Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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