Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
