I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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