Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
