walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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