the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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