Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Michael Bay diarrhea
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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