i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You were trust falling into bushes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize