Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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