he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
