Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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