Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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