Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
