and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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