I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize