That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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