i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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