just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
