Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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