Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
