he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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