Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
