Got a toothbrush?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
