My first STD was from a foam party
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
