i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize