Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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