ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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