everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
