I faked an abortion last night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
