I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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