I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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