The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
