i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
