I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
