Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
