Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The power of my boobs compel you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
