Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize