The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
