im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
