as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
